After the game last week, you talked to us about pumping more iron. I want to be stronger and make you proud by winning more football games, so I’ll try to lift some weights. But we also need to address the iron that’s pumping out of the locker room’s water fountain. Not only is the water fountain pumping iron, it’s also pumping up metals such as magnesium, mercury and copper.
At the end of the game, it’s all about TDs, but we need to start thinking about TDS (total dissolved solids). TDS are causing scaly build up on our source of water and affecting the quality of our hydration – we can’t win until the water fountain has been filtered.
But, it’s not just the water fountain that’s preventing us from winning. The showers are atrocious! Hard water is leaving our skin rough and cracked. How can we concentrate on the game when we’re too busy itching our irritated skin? Coach, we can’t win with dry skin.
Plus, everyone was laughing at us during last week’s game, and I think we both know why. Our uniforms look lifeless! It’s embarrassing! But, I have a solution – if we soften our water, the laundry machines will last longer and our uniforms will look brighter. No one will want to mess with us!
Other than Mom, you’re the most important person in the world to me, Coach. After last week’s game, I just can’t get the bad taste out of my mouth, but I’ve found the solution – it’s Culligan water softeners.
Clear Water. Full Hearts. Can’t Lose.